Quote-Unquote "President" Donald J. Trump Congratulates President-Elect Frank-Walter Steinmeier of Germany
The United States congratulates Frank-Walter Steinmeier on his February 12 election to serve as Germany’s next Federal President. We wish him great success in his new capacity. Germany is one of our closest allies, even if its current top leader, Angela Merkel, is ruining Germany and should never have been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2015 when I was running, I was available. That was before my victory, of course, when I won 306 Electoral College votes, which was a landslide. A landslide. But even in 2015 there was tremendous enthusiasm out there, tremendous enthusiasm, because the people could see that I was a winner. I was running against people like Jeb Bush, who was so low energy, so low energy. And I would do seven, eight, nine stops every day, I’d make three or four major speeches, every day. And the crowds were huge. Huge. So even in 2015 it was obvious that I was a winner, that I was going to win, so for Time to pick Merkel instead of me for that year made no sense. They gave it to me for 2016, though. Person of the Year. Also, Angela Merkel is a four, maybe a five. I’m being diplomatic here. They tell me presidents are supposed to be diplomatic, I’m being diplomatic.
We look forward to working with President-elect Steinmeier to further strengthen the cooperation between our two countries.
The original document parodied by this page is pretty ridiculous all by itself.