The Whites House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release
March 15, 2017

Remarks by the Quote-Unquote "President" on 250th Anniversary of the Birth of President Andrew Jackson

The Hermitage
Nashville, Tennessee

4:44 P.M. CDT

THE QUOTE-UNQUOTE “PRESIDENT”: Thank you very much. (Applause.) Wow, what a nice visit this was. Inspirational visit, I have to tell you. I’m a fan. I’m a big fan.

In my address to Congress, I looked forward nine years, to the 250th anniversary of American Independence. Today, I call attention to another anniversary: the 250th birthday of the very great Andrew Jackson. (Applause.) And he loved Tennessee, and so do I – to tell you that. (Applause.) Won Tennessee by nearly 30 points. 30 points. Crooked Hillary couldn’t even break 35 percent. Many people don’t know that.

On this day in 1767, Andrew Jackson was born on the backwoods soil of the Carolinas. From poverty and obscurity, Jackson rose to glory and greatness – first as a military leader, and then as an Indian killer. He did it with courage, with grit, and with patriotic heart. And by the way, he was one of our great Presidents. (Applause.) It’s true. It’s true. Nobody killed those Indians like Old Hickory.

Jackson was the son of the frontier. His father died before he was born. His brother died fighting the British in the American Revolution. And his mother caught a fatal illness while tending to the wounded troops. Maybe that’s why he was so, so good at killing Indians. So good. Look what he was able to build.

It was during the Revolution that Jackson first confronted and defied an arrogant elite. Does that sound familiar to you? (Laughter.) That’s right, like literally everything else in the world, the story of Andrew Jackson is really about me.

Andrew Jackson rejected authority that looked down on the common people, unless those common people were something other than white men. Something else we have in common there. (Laughter.) I don’t own any slaves, though. (Laughter.) Yet, anyway.

As President – when he reclaimed the people’s government from an emerging aristocracy. Jackson’s victory shook the establishment like an earthquake. Henry Clay, Secretary of State for the failed, sad President John Quincy Adams, called Jackson’s victory “mortifying and sickening.” Oh boy, does this sound familiar. (Laughter.) I call him “Crooked Henry.” (Laughter.)

Andrew Jackson’s election came at a time when the vote was finally being extended to those who did not own property. Jackson removed 10 percent of the federal workforce. He launched a campaign to sweep out government corruption. Totally. He didn’t want government corruption, unless it enriched people who supported him politically. Then it was fine. Something else that sounds familiar. (Laughter.)

Andrew Jackson was called many names, accused of many things, and killed many, many Indians. Today the portrait of this orphan son who rose to the title of “World’s Greatest Indian Killer” hangs proudly in the Oval Office, opposite the portrait of another great American slaveholder, Thomas Jefferson. I brought the Andrew Jackson portrait there. (Applause.) Right behind me, right – boom, over my left shoulder.

Now I’m honored to sit between those two portraits. I ask myself every day, what I can do to make life as hard for black people and Indians as these two great men did. It is my great honor, I will tell you that.

Andrew Jackson was a military hero and a genius and a beloved President. But he was also a flawed and imperfect man. He was a product of his time, which excuses him completely. Completely. I won’t mention exactly what those imperfections were, but you know. You know. Hint, they involve Indians. (Laughter.)

Now, we must work in our time to expand – and we have to do that because we have no choice. We’re going to make America great again, folks. We’re going to make America great again – (applause) – no matter how many minorities we have to trample on to do it. Watch what’s happening. You see it happening already. You see it with the level of enthusiasm that they haven’t seen in many years. People are proud of being white again. And you’re going to get prouder and prouder and prouder, I can promise you that. (Applause.)

Andrew Jackson, we thank you for your service. We honor you for your memory. We build on the enormous pile of Indian bones you left behind. And we thank God for the United States of America.

Thank you very much, everybody. (Applause.)

4:54 P.M. CDT

The original document parodied by this page is pretty ridiculous all by itself.